Again he said to himself,'She does not realize what marriage means!'
He passively acquiesced in her wish to go in,and they entered by the western door.The only person inside the gloomy building was a charwoman cleaning.Sue still held Jude's arm,almost as if she loved him.Cruelly sweet,indeed,she had been to him that morning;but his thoughts of a penance in store for her were tempered by an ache:
'...I can find no way How a blow should fall,such as falls on men,Nor prove too much for your womanhood!'They strolled undemonstratively up the nave towards the altar railing,which they stood against in silence,turning then and walking down the nave again,her hand still on his arm,precisely like a couple just married.
The too suggestive incident,entirely of her ******,nearly broke down Jude.
'I like to do things like this,'she said in the delicate voice of an epicure in emotions,which left no doubt that she spoke the truth.
'I know you do!'said Jude.
'They are interesting,because they have probably never been done before.I shall walk down the church like this with my husband in about two hours,shan't I!'
'No doubt you will!'
'Was it like this when you were married?'
'Good God,Sue -don't be so awfully merciless!...There,dear one,I didn't mean it!'
'Ah -you are vexed!'she said regretfully,as she blinked away an access of eye moisture.'And I promised never to vex you!...I suppose I ought not to have asked you to bring me in here.Oh,I oughtn't!I see it now.My curiosity to hunt up a new sensation always leads me into these scrapes.Forgive me!...You will,won't you,Jude?'
The appeal was so remorseful that Jude's eyes were even wetter than hers as he pressed her hand for Yes.
'Now we'll hurry away,and I won't do it any more!'she continued humbly;and they came out of the building,Sue intending to go on to the station to meet Phillotson.But the first person they encountered on entering the main street was the schoolmaster himself,whose train had arrived sooner than Sue expected.There was nothing really to demur to in her leaning on Jude's arm;but she withdrew her hand,and Jude thought that Phillotson had looked surprised.
'We have been doing such a funny thing!'said she,smiling candidly.
'We've been to the church,rehearsing as it were.Haven't we,Jude?'
'How?'said Phillotson curiously.
Jude inwardly deplored what he thought to be unnecessary frankness;but she had gone too far not to explain all,which she accordingly did,telling him how they had marched up to the altar.
Seeing how puzzled Phillotson seemed,Jude said as cheerfully as he could,'I am going to buy her another little present.Will you both come to the shop with me?'
'No,'said Sue,'I'll go on to the house with him';and requesting her lover not to be a long time she departed with the schoolmaster.
Jude soon joined them at his rooms,and shortly after they prepared for the ceremony.Phillotson's hair was brushed to a painful extent,and his shirt collar appeared stiffer than it had been for the previous twenty years.Beyond this he looked dignified and thoughtful,and altogether a man of whom it was not unsafe to predict that he would make a kind and considerate husband.That he adored Sue was obvious;and she could almost be seen to feel that she was undeserving his adoration.
Although the distance was so short he had hired a fly from the Red Lion,and six or seven women and children had gathered by the door when they came out.The schoolmaster and Sue were unknown,though Jude was getting to be recognized as a citizen;and the couple were judged to be some relations of his from a distance,nobody supposing Sue to have been a recent pupil at the training school.
In the carriage Jude took from his pocket his extra little wedding-present,which turned out to be two or three yards of white tulle,which he threw over her bonnet and all,as a veil.
'It looks so odd over a bonnet,'she said.'I'll take the bonnet off.'
'Oh no -let it stay,'said Phillotson.And she obeyed.
When they had passed up the church and were standing in their places Jude found that the antecedent visit had certainly taken off the edge of this performance,but by the time they were half-way on with the service he wished from his heart that he had not undertaken the business of giving her away.How could Sue have had the temerity to ask him to do it -a cruelty possibly to herself as well as to him?Women were different from men in such matters.Was it that they were,instead of more sensitive,as reputed,more callous,and less romantic;or were they more heroic?
Or was Sue simply so perverse that she wilfully gave herself and him pain for the odd and mournful luxury of practising long-suffering in her own person,and of being touched with tender pity for him at having made him practise it?He could perceive that her face was nervously set,and when they reached the trying ordeal of Jude giving her to Phillotson she could hardly command herself;rather,however,as it seemed,from her knowledge of what her cousin must feel,whom she need not have had there at all,than from self-consideration.Possibly she would go on inflicting such pains again and again,and grieving for the sufferer again and again,in all her colossal inconsistency.
Phillotson seemed not to notice,to be surrounded by a mist which prevented his seeing the emotions of others.As soon as they had signed their names and come away,and the suspense was over,Jude felt relieved.
The meal at his lodging was a very ****** affair,and at two o'clock they went off.In crossing the pavement to the fly she looked back;and there was a frightened light in her eyes.Could it be that Sue had acted with such unusual foolishness as to plunge into she knew not what for the sake of asserting her independence of him,of retaliating on him for his secrecy?Perhaps Sue was thus venturesome with men because she was childishly ignorant of that side of their natures which wore out women's hearts and lives.
