My name's **** Marston, Sydney-side native.I'm twenty-nine years old, six feet in my stocking soles, and thirteen stone weight.
Pretty strong and active with it, so they say.I don't want to blow -- not here, any road -- but it takes a good man to put me on my back, or stand up to me with the gloves, or the naked mauleys.
I can ride anything -- anything that ever was lapped in horsehide --swim like a musk-duck, and track like a Myall blackfellow.
Most things that a man can do I'm up to, and that's all about it.
As I lift myself now I can feel the muscle swell on my arm like a cricket ball, in spite of the -- well, in spite of everything.
The morning sun comes shining through the window bars;and ever since he was up have I been cursing the daylight, cursing myself, and them that brought me into the world.Did I curse mother, and the hour I was born into this miserable life?
Why should I curse the day? Why do I lie here, groaning;yes, crying like a child, and beating my head against the stone floor?
I am not mad, though I am shut up in a cell.No.Better for me if I was.
But it's all up now; there's no get away this time; and I, **** Marston, as strong as a bullock, as active as a rock-wallaby, chock-full of life and spirits and health, have been tried for bush-ranging -- robbery under arms they call it -- and though the blood runs through my veins like the water in the mountain creeks, and every bit of bone and sinew is as sound as the day I was born, I must die on the gallows this day month.
Die -- die -- yes, die; be strung up like a dog, as they say.
I'm blessed if ever I did know of a dog being hanged, though, if it comes to that, a shot or a bait generally makes an end of 'em in this country.Ha, ha! Did I laugh? What a rum thing it is that a man should have a laugh in him when he's only got twenty-nine days more to live -- a day for every year of my life.
Well, laughing or crying, this is what it has come to at last.
All the drinking and recklessness; the flash talk and the idle ways;the merry cross-country rides that we used to have, night or day, it made no odds to us; every man well mounted, as like as not on a racehorse in training taken out of his stable within the week;the sharp brushes with the police, when now and then a man was wounded on each side, but no one killed.That came later on, worse luck.
The jolly sprees we used to have in the bush townships, where we chucked our money about like gentlemen, where all the girls had a smile and a kind word for a lot of game upstanding chaps, that acted like men, if they did keep the road a little lively.
Our `bush telegraphs' were safe to let us know when the `traps'
were closing in on us, and then -- why the coach would be `stuck up'
a hundred miles away, in a different direction, within twenty-four hours.
Marston's gang again! The police are in pursuit! That's what we'd see in the papers.We had 'em sent to us regular; besides having the pick of 'em when we cut open the mail bags.
And now -- that chain rubbed a sore, curse it! -- all that racket's over.
It's more than hard to die in this settled, infernal, fixed sort of way, like a bullock in the killing-yard, all ready to be `pithed'.
I used to pity them when I was a boy, walking round the yard, pushing their noses through the rails, trying for a likely place to jump, stamping and pawing and roaring and knocking their heads against the heavy close rails, with misery and rage in their eyes, till their time was up.Nobody told THEM beforehand, though!
Have I and the likes of me ever felt much the same, I wonder, shut up in a pen like this, with the rails up, and not a place a rat could creep through, waiting till our killing time was come?
The poor devils of steers have never done anything but ramble off the run now and again, while we -- but it's too late to think of that.
It IS hard.There's no saying it isn't; no, nor thinking what a fool, what a blind, stupid, thundering idiot a fellow's been, to laugh at the steady working life that would have helped him up, bit by bit, to a good farm, a good wife, and innocent little kids about him, like that chap, George Storefield, that came to see me last week.
He was real rightdown sorry for me, I could tell, though Jim and Iused to laugh at him, and call him a regular old crawler of a milker's calf in the old days.The tears came into his eyes reg'lar like a woman as he gave my hand a squeeze and turned his head away.
We was little chaps together, you know.A man always feels that, you know.
And old George, he'll go back -- a fifty-mile ride, but what's that on a good horse? He'll be late home, but he can cross the rock ford the short way over the creek.I can see him turn his horse loose at the garden-gate, and walk through the quinces that lead up to the cottage, with his saddle on his arm.Can't I see it all, as plain as if I was there?
And his wife and the young 'uns 'll run out when they hear father's horse, and want to hear all the news.When he goes in there's his meal tidy and decent waiting for him, while he tells them about the poor chap he's been to see as is to be scragged next month.
Ha! ha! what a rum joke it is, isn't it?
And then he'll go out in the verandah, with the roses growin'
all over the posts and smellin' sweet in the cool night air.After that he'll have his smoke, and sit there thinkin' about me, perhaps, and old days, and what not, till all hours -- till his wife comes and fetches him in.
And here I lie -- my God! why didn't they knock me on the head when I was born, like a lamb in a dry season, or a blind puppy --blind enough, God knows! They do so in some countries, if the books say true, and what a hell of misery that must save some people from!
Well, it's done now, and there's no get away.I may as well make the best of it.A sergeant of police was shot in our last scrimmage, and they must fit some one over that.It's only natural.
He was rash, or Starlight would never have dropped him that day.
