登陆注册
8961600000005

第5章 LOVE OF LIFE(5)

Another day of fog. Half of his last blanket had gone into foot- wrappings. He failed to pick up Bill's trail. It did not matter.

His hunger was driving him too compellingly - only - only he wondered if Bill, too, were lost. By midday the irk of his pack became too oppressive. Again he divided the gold, this time merely spilling half of it on the ground. In the afternoon he threw the rest of it away, there remaining to him only the half-blanket, the tin bucket, and the rifle.

An hallucination began to trouble him. He felt confident that one cartridge remained to him. It was in the chamber of the rifle and he had overlooked it. On the other hand, he knew all the time that the chamber was empty. But the hallucination persisted. He fought it off for hours, then threw his rifle open and was confronted with emptiness. The disappointment was as bitter as though he had really expected to find the cartridge.

He plodded on for half an hour, when the hallucination arose again.

Again he fought it, and still it persisted, till for very relief he opened his rifle to unconvince himself. At times his mind wandered farther afield, and he plodded on, a mere automaton, strange conceits and whimsicalities gnawing at his brain like worms. But these excursions out of the real were of brief duration, for ever the pangs of the hunger-bite called him back. He was jerked back abruptly once from such an excursion by a sight that caused him nearly to faint. He reeled and swayed, doddering like a drunken man to keep from falling. Before him stood a horse. A horse! He could not believe his eyes. A thick mist was in them, intershot with sparkling points of light. He rubbed his eyes savagely to clear his vision, and beheld, not a horse, but a great brown bear.

The animal was studying him with bellicose curiosity.

The man had brought his gun halfway to his shoulder before he realized. He lowered it and drew his hunting-knife from its beaded sheath at his hip. Before him was meat and life. He ran his thumb along the edge of his knife. It was sharp. The point was sharp.

He would fling himself upon the bear and kill it. But his heart began its warning thump, thump, thump. Then followed the wild upward leap and tattoo of flutters, the pressing as of an iron band about his forehead, the creeping of the dizziness into his brain.

His desperate courage was evicted by a great surge of fear. In his weakness, what if the animal attacked him? He drew himself up to his most imposing stature, gripping the knife and staring hard at the bear. The bear advanced clumsily a couple of steps, reared up, and gave vent to a tentative growl. If the man ran, he would run after him; but the man did not run. He was animated now with the courage of fear. He, too, growled, savagely, terribly, voicing the fear that is to life germane and that lies twisted about life's deepest roots.

The bear edged away to one side, growling menacingly, himself appalled by this mysterious creature that appeared upright and unafraid. But the man did not move. He stood like a statue till the danger was past, when he yielded to a fit of trembling and sank down into the wet moss.

He pulled himself together and went on, afraid now in a new way.

It was not the fear that he should die passively from lack of food, but that he should be destroyed violently before starvation had exhausted the last particle of the endeavor in him that made toward surviving. There were the wolves. Back and forth across the desolation drifted their howls, weaving the very air into a fabric of menace that was so tangible that he found himself, arms in the air, pressing it back from him as it might be the walls of a wind- blown tent.

Now and again the wolves, in packs of two and three, crossed his path. But they sheered clear of him. They were not in sufficient numbers, and besides they were hunting the caribou, which did not battle, while this strange creature that walked erect might scratch and bite.

In the late afternoon he came upon scattered bones where the wolves had made a kill. The debris had been a caribou calf an hour before, squawking and running and very much alive. He contemplated the bones, clean-picked and polished, pink with the cell-life in them which had not yet died. Could it possibly be that he might be that ere the day was done! Such was life, eh? A vain and fleeting thing. It was only life that pained. There was no hurt in death.

To die was to sleep. It meant cessation, rest. Then why was he not content to die?

But he did not moralize long. He was squatting in the moss, a bone in his mouth, sucking at the shreds of life that still dyed it faintly pink. The sweet meaty taste, thin and elusive almost as a memory, maddened him. He closed his jaws on the bones and crunched. Sometimes it was the bone that broke, sometimes his teeth. Then he crushed the bones between rocks, pounded them to a pulp, and swallowed them. He pounded his fingers, too, in his haste, and yet found a moment in which to feel surprise at the fact that his fingers did not hurt much when caught under the descending rock.

Came frightful days of snow and rain. He did not know when he made camp, when he broke camp. He travelled in the night as much as in the day. He rested wherever he fell, crawled on whenever the dying life in him flickered up and burned less dimly. He, as a man, no longer strove. It was the life in him, unwilling to die, that drove him on. He did not suffer. His nerves had become blunted, numb, while his mind was filled with weird visions and delicious dreams.

But ever he sucked and chewed on the crushed bones of the caribou calf, the least remnants of which he had gathered up and carried with him. He crossed no more hills or divides, but automatically followed a large stream which flowed through a wide and shallow valley. He did not see this stream nor this valley. He saw nothing save visions. Soul and body walked or crawled side by side, yet apart, so slender was the thread that bound them.

He awoke in his right mind, lying on his back on a rocky ledge.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 萧家影后星途之路

    萧家影后星途之路

    她自认难以动情,却在一次偶遇中,他对她举手之劳的帮助,从此倾心,费尽艰险也要来到他身边。他是腹黑高冷的五大百年世家之一的独生子,两岸三地跨国公司的首席ceo,他天生色盲。一次舞台亮相的选秀节目,她一袭橙黄礼服闪亮登场,眼睛清澈而明亮,笑容纯粹而温暖,看向他的眼神闪闪发光,“我们又见面了,这一次,请记住我的名字,我叫杨佩珊”从此,他记住了橙黄这个颜色,照亮了他压抑的前半生。
  • 大威怒乌刍涩摩仪轨

    大威怒乌刍涩摩仪轨

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 暗夜帝王的甜心宝贝

    暗夜帝王的甜心宝贝

    一个不被父母待见的私生女,从小受尽了磨难却单纯善良,隐忍的苦难天使,一次偶然的邂逅,认识了黑白两道鼎鼎大名的陈三少,从此,他疼她,宠她,爱她,给她全世界。本文很温暖,很有爱......
  • 豪门公主错生寻常百姓家

    豪门公主错生寻常百姓家

    这世界,我来了,平淡与精彩,要看机遇。人生能不能有真爱,要看自己的心,要看自己的需求,要看故事中,主人公的际遇,,,真爱会有的,只要坚持!
  • 空中云儿落谁家

    空中云儿落谁家

    从小玩在一起的三女二男,小学三年级开始一起上学一起下学,直到大学,毕业,工作,他们在一起的风风雨雨,一起的成长、堕落,爱恨交织,最终,却不知路在何方······
  • 重生在七零年代

    重生在七零年代

    三十岁时,丈夫意外不知所踪,她咬紧牙关将一双儿女养大成人成材。辛苦了一辈子,等到终于可以好好享受人生时,却一眨眼回到了几十年前......这一世,她应该选择怎样的人生?裙号:二一九七四三七七暗号,天真颜
  • 重生之闺阁天骄

    重生之闺阁天骄

    京城宁家大小姐,琴棋书画样样精通。帝都宁家嫡出千金,五行阵法无一落人之后。两大天骄,却为一人,又该如何?
  • 穿越之霸道之吻

    穿越之霸道之吻

    一个平凡的女子,突然穿越成另一个自己,开始了梦幻,浪漫的爱情的大冒险。
  • 青春从笔尖流淌

    青春从笔尖流淌

    快乐与生活有关,与你有关。。。。。。。。
  • 书穿女配要崛起

    书穿女配要崛起

    书穿的江辞暮表示:走女主的路让女主无路可走!